It has become overwhelming; just the everyday tasks. Some think it was just a matter of time before I would loose it and become depressed. For many months, weeks, days, I seemed to busy myself with anything just to be busy -to fill the void. I am at a point where I cannot fill that void by busying myself.
I have gotten by everyday waking up knowing that I have the responsibility to care for 3 beautiful children- I need to pray for patience and guidance. I understand God's plan and know that death is an important part of that plan. I just would like to hold my child in my arms for one more time - actually forever. It has been easy to talk to others about our special Walker; it has been easy to talk about our trials and how to overcome; so why is it getting so hard to do everyday tasks - like laundry or dishes? I would like for the trial we as a family are going through to get easier - yet as time goes on it seems to have gotten harder. Shouldn't time heal not bring more sadness? Is it sadness or just tiredness? I wish I had the answers- I guess I do within my faith of God.
Pray for faith to continue to strengthen our family.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I have reservations about blogging. I have friends that love it. I love reading what they are blogging. I would love to just be able to sit down and write my thoughts. They make it seems so easy. This is more like a public journal and that seems a little weird. Two of the blogs that I have read are very different. One of the blog is about her feelings before her child was born and after her baby went back to heaven - an experience that touched our own family. The other is about experiences and feelings of a growing family. It seems this might be a great way to release all my emotions from raising a family that has experienced a loss of part of it. I know it will be good to look back and to look forward. Hope I can continue to blog and benefit from it. Thanks for listening.