Our Story

I realized that writing down our story will make it a reality. Yes, I have pictures of Walker; yes, I have verbally shared Walker's life (our story); yes, I have thought about Walker. Yet, sometimes it feels like an unhappy dream. So here is our story:
In October of last year, we were surprised to be expecting again. We had just celebrated Charlie's 2nd birthday. Neither had talked about having another - the girls are 19 mos apart and Ava & Charlie are 15 mos apart. We had started getting comfortable with the 3 - eventhough 4 had always been the number discussed before Grace was born. So we were excited about the new addition. At 21 wks, it was time for the ultrasound. During the ultrasound, I could tell that there was something that was a marker or something. (Ava had soft markers for Down Syndrome - perfectly healthy. Charlie had soft markers for something else- perfectly healthy). So at first, I was not concerned. I knew that we would be sent to a specialist and I would not have an amnio (had previously 2 miscarriages )- it was not going to impact our desission about carring our baby to term. As the tech began the ultrasound at the specialist, I knew this time was different. I got pretty good at reading the ultrasounds and watching the techs from my pregnancy with Ava. The doctor came in and talked with tech for a few minutes and looked at the ultrasound. He made the comment to the tech that he thought it was T13 or T18. He then talked with me what his findings were and what options we had. At that moment, I said a silent pray to know what to do next. I decided that I would go ahead with the amnio. I felt that our family needed to know exactly what was wrong with the baby to prepare that kids. I came home and looked up T13 and T18 and was devestated eventhough the doctor did not tell me this for sure. I felt this time it was different for the others. So I had my father give me a blessing (a prayer for a certain person) I was overcome with the feeling that everything would be okay. I knew that with my Heavenly Father, my family, and my faith we would be able to overcome this trial. Maybe not easily, yet able to do it. In March, when we got the results confirming T18 (trisomy 18), Chris and I sat down decided he needed a name and to prepare the kids. We struggled with different names until we used Chris' grandfather's middle name. It seemed to make perfect sense because Charlie is the first name of Chris' grandfather. So then we set out preparing our family and making all decisions prior to make it easier (hah). It seemed like forever until June. By this time I had been praying for 2 things -not to deliver on Ava's birthday (June 30th) and to be able to take Walker home. We chose July 2nd to be induced and was discharged with Walker on the 4th of July (amazing Hospice group that worked really hard for both to go home together). We had Walker with us at home for 12 wonderful and amazing days. It is exactly 9 months since Walker ended his earthly journey and started his heavenly journey. I miss him daily and long to hold him in my arms. I just want to hold him, feed him, change his diaper, watch his siblings love him, or anything again. I can picture the pain in his face that last day and the peace when his spirit left his non-perfect body to go to heaven to gain his perfect body.

That is part of our story; the other part is continuing daily since.
(Enough rambling for one night - work is fast approaching - ugh!)

Remember the past to strengthen the future - Walker and more are waiting for us.